Coming out to my mom
I came out to my mom 2 days ago (6/6/15). After processing we talked again yesterday (6/7/15). Her concern is of course my happiness. She’s concerned about the fact that we moved for him and now this and what about me. I get it I do, if I had a penny for every time I asked Nick or myself what about me through this I’d be real rich. As the spouse of someone who is transitioning it’s hard not to feel like you’re being left in the dust and getting the shaft. On the other hand I know my husband and I understand the issue. I don’t believe he’s doing this to me, it has nothing to do with that, he’s doing this for himself. Marriage is about give and take and it’s his turn to take and my turn to give. I take in my own ways and I’m sure in other times in our lives it will be my turn to take. We live where I want to live (if we have to live on the east coast and not in Michigan I prefer southern Maryland while he’d prefer northern Virginia). He also works a job that pays more instead of the job that he really wants so that I can stay home with our son. These may be little things in comparison, but sometimes it’s the little things that count, right? Talking to her, having to justify my choices and replaying all these scenarios are painful in a way I cannot put into words. I have put these issues to bed and I have made my decision, rehashing them feels like opening old wounds. This is the part about coming out to family as oppose to friends that I was not prepared for. Friends have questions of course, but most of their questions are for their own knowledge and not for my benefit. I’m really scared now, I am scared that with each family member I/we come out to I am going to have to do this all over again and I don’t think I can, but yes what is the alternative? I spent a good portion of the day yesterday (6/7/15) crying. I curled up in a ball as big fat tears slid down my face. I wanted to be at home, with Nick and with friends who have already accepted my decision. I am so grateful for my support group, without them I don’t know how I would have survived yesterday. How do I move forward in the process as far as the coming out part? I know there will be people who don’t understand, I know there will be people who shun us, and I know there will be people who will come around once they have time to process it. In a perfect world people would see that this is simple (in reality for everyone, but me it is, there are deeper issues why its harder for your spouse than for anyone else), Emily is still Nick on the inside she might just look different on the outside. Friends are easy, if they care about me, if they’re my real friends they will accept and we will move on. Family is harder family is complex.