A dark day

I wrote this Monday June 22nd, I just hadn’t had a chance to post it yet… This is one of those dark days I said were ahead of us. I’m not going to get into what the actual topic of conversation was because it was pretty personal but once again I feel like at the end of the day the dysphoria wins out over me. Yes, I understand it’s not a choice to be dysphoric, but at what point can you say this is how it’s going to be? This is the choice I’m making in order to compromise and keep my spouse? I just want to feel like I matter. That I have a say in a way other than to stay or leave. Like with titles why can’t I get a say in what I call my own spouse or what my son calls the person that fathered him? Emily argued she has no choice either, but with these small things she does and she’s dictating the way our whole world will operate.

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