Assessed

I’m sick of being assessed. I’m sick of people telling me what I should do, why I’m doing what I’m doing and what they would do if they were in my shoes. This situation is so complex you have no idea what’s it’s like. You have no idea how I’m coping and I don’t like being told that things I do for fun, for myself are my way of coping, those things have NOTHING to do with this.  You want to know how I cope? I coped curled up in a ball crying my eyes out for 6-weeks last year when I had no one to talk to and didn’t have a clue what to do. I coped by learning everything I could about this topic, reading books, reading blogs, joining support groups. I coped by going through the stages of grief and coming out on the other side one of the strongest, bravest, most sensitive people I could have ever hope to be. In many ways this whole situation has made me a better person. I’m staying, not because I have to, not because there is a gun to my head, but because the person I love most in this world needs me and I need him. My feelings for him don’t change when he becomes her. I vowed “for better or for worse” and I meant it. I’m not everyone’s favorite person, I’m passionate to the extreme, I’m opinionated, and I’m brutally honest, but those qualities are also what makes me a great friend. If I’m your friend I have your back in ways only those who have truly needed me can understand. I have Nick’s back, I love him, and I will fight for him; for his rights, his safety, and his happiness. I’m not lossing myself so that my husband can become a woman, quite the opposite actually, I’m evolving with her to be an even stronger, more accepting, more loving individual, who just wants to leave this Earth knowing that I made a difference. Please don’t worry about me, I don’t need sympathy and I don’t need pity, this is the hand I was dealt and in some ways I feel that I’m the perfect person for this hand. In the grand scheme of life, this challenge fits me, I can handle it and I’m going to be just fine!  

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