There is a weird dynamic between a trans person and their spouse from the perception of the spouse that you wouldn’t understand unless you are in this situation. It is similar to a parent or a caregiver, I’d say. In many ways I look at Emily as a reflection of me the way that a parent looks at their child as a reflection of them. Since I helped groom her (physically) into the girl that she is I feel very defensive about her appearance. The negative comments have been few are far between, overall most people say she looks great, but those few negative comments I have heard really upset me. It can be the same as if you told me there was something about my appearance you didn’t like. Just because she is trans and in the beginning stages of transition does mean that we need everyone’s opinion. I have been a girl my entire life and I am able to use my “girl skills” if you will to help her. On issues that we do need help with that are trans specific we have great resources, other friends who are trans and have fully transitioned or are further along than we are or people who know more about a specific topic for example hair extensions.

I also feel very protective of her. This past Thursday we were in DC and I felt on edge in a way I never have in my life. There is (sadly) a danger in being outed in public. Trans folks have been killed when it is discovered they are trans. I even had an experience previously where someone I knew who was a trans woman was killed pumping gas because she was trans. I watch people to ensure her safety, I’m not sure what all 95 lbs of me is going to do if someone tries to harm her, but heaven help them if they try.

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