Boys will be boys

A positive side effect, if you will of transition (for MtFs) is that your spouse losses some of the harsher male tendencies that woman usually complain about. Some say this is an effect of hormones, but since we aren’t on hormones yet and I’m seeing this I think that it’s simply being more in touch with your feminine side as well as not having to live up to male stereotypes. We teach boys from a young age to toughen up and be men, but what does that mean? Being tough, not crying, being aggressive, not having feelings. As a trans woman begins to feel more womanly she can let all that go and just be who she is. My husband can lack patience, as is often a complaint about men, but Emily seems to be working on this. His lack of patience was always an issue for me so it’s so nice to see this change.

I’m pondering a lot of questions about the way we raise boys and problems in the world, problems in relationships and problems in life in general and how those would be different if we raised boys the same way we raised girls. I’ve always intended to raise my son in a more caring and nurturing way that is usually reserved for girls, but since my spouse came out to me that’s even more so my intent.

My mother-in-law has an interesting theory about why men are so aggressive involving sexual frustration, but my theory is they are taught to hold things in such a distinct manner that no wonder they are aggressive. They can’t have feelings, they can’t do what they want (it’s more acceptable for girls to do boy things than boys to do girl things), and they are basically taught to ridicule each other when they don’t fit in the norm. I’m interested in learning more about gender roles and shifts in behavior and watching my spouse as well as the spouses of the people in my support group transition and change (sorry I can’t help it I’m a researcher to the core).


I hate the expression “boys will be boys”, it categorizes babe or unnecessarily, alienating those who don’t fit the stereotype and is a pitiful excuse for behavior.


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