The Dad Plan
There is a plan in place to tell my dad. He will be the hardest person I have to come out to by far, and there is no one that coming out to has been easy. To begin with he is pretty conservative. He does not understand homosexuals, long less people who are transgender. Second is the whole daddy’s girl thing. The hardest part about being a daddy’s girl is that you always want to please your daddy. I know he thinks I hung the moon and so does anyone he has ever spoken to about me, and that’s the way I like it.
The thought of him thinking any less of me breaks my heart. Sometimes I think it might be ok, for example sometimes he says things that make me think he wants to be more liberal, but doesn’t know how. He is in a different generation, and he was raised with a set of values that lets say are the polar opposite to the ones I am raising my son with.
The plan is to tell him over Christmas, I will be staying home with Q a few days after *Nick comes back to Maryland, I think it is best that I tell him in person and when Nick is not there. My mom knows the plan and is going to talk to him before hand to prep him, but not tell him. She also told me during this conversation that she told my sister-in-law (my brother’s wife). I am feeling more and more relief with every person who knows and I cannot wait for my dad to know. After he finds out I need to tell my grandma and my Aunt Flossie, those are the last family members I feel a need to tell myself before they hear from someone else or before “Facebook announcement day”. As silly as it sounds that will be like a holiday for me. That will mean we are 100% out and I can stop living a double life. I am exhausted with hiding and switching back and forth; it’s honestly the hardest part of this. I just want to live my life, not be stuck in limbo in the middle of Nick and Emily, and with all the people in my life divided on one side or the other. It’s a constant game of tug-a-war.
*My spouse’s birth name and pronouns are used in this post because that is the person that will be represented at the time I am speaking of