Valentine’s Day, Midwives (or lack there of), & Estrogen
This was our first Valentine’s Day as a trans couple…as a seemingly same sex couple. Last Valentine’s Day we were in a very different place, still learning what gender dysphoria meant for us. At this point I am use to being out with Emily both as a couple and as a family so that is not a big deal, but our first Valentine’s Day could be. There is first the issue of getting dressed as a same sex couple. We have to match in style, but obviously not look like twins. If she is going to wear a fancy dress I would look odd in jeans and a t-shirt and vice versa. This is sort of an issue for straight couples, the formality has to match, yet there is something different at the same time, which I can’t really put my foot on. It may be that I don’t want to be upstaged by the girl I am with, when that girl use to be my husband, but who really knows. I helped Emily do her hair as she is working on wearing her natural hair and not a wig. I curled her hair on Saturday and Sunday for Valentine’s day, curly hair seems to suit her best and we are continuing to evolve this look.
We went to dinner at The Melting Pot (our favorite special occasion restaurant) and we happened to have a gay server! This was not only nice for us, relieving the pressure of being a same sex couple and allowing us to just be a “normal couple” (whatever the hell that is), but it allowed our server to speak about his husband on a special day where he was probably missing him without fear of it effecting his tip, which sadly is a true reality. He (the server) was very chatty with us (not in a bad way) throughout our meal and at the end thanked us for being so nice to talk to. I really think it was because he could speak openly with us without fear. This reminds me of my dream for my children one shared similarly by the great Dr. Martin Luther King who also wished for a future with more equality, my I have a dream speech goes something like this “I have a dream that one day my children will live in a world where they are judge by their character and not by the person that they love. That they will be free to talk about their husband or wife, partner, or spouse to whomever they want without fear of prosecution, negative job implications, or the judgement of others. I have a dream that one day my children will live in a world where they can share their gender identity whether that aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth or not and live their true identity to the fullest.” Until that day comes I am glad for one night my spouse and I could live our lives and our server could live his; that we all had a nice night, free of judgement, and full of love.
The day after Valentine’s Day we were suppose to go to my second midwife appointment, but it had to be cancelled. It snowed. For my adoring fan who don’t live in Maryland when it snows here, the state shuts down, that includes the midwifery office. It is ridiculous and annoying, but it’s the reality. I am now 12 weeks pregnant and the importance of this appointment was if everything looked good that meant it was “E-day” dun dun dun…AKA the day Emily could start estrogen. We made the decision to not put off the beginning of estrogen for several reasons. First if you have been pregnant you know the feeling and you know when things are progressing as they should be and when they aren’t and I know that this pregnancy is progressing how is should be from how I feel as well as from my growing baby bump. The second reason is the low dose of estrogen you begin with when you have HRT is easily reversed in the event something does go wrong. (I do want to remind everyone it is possible to regain fertility at anytime on HRT, but everyone is different and how long that takes could vary. We have been careful to maintain Emily’s fertility to make sure everything with growing our family went as planned). Lastly, we have put it off for all this time and my rescheduled appointment isn’t until the end of next week, so it seemed the best thing to do, to go ahead and start now. I am ok with all that is going on. I do not have strong feelings one way or another at this time, which is rather surprising to me. It is only day two so I have yet to see any changes in Emily, the first changes that I notice will not be physical, they will be emotional. These first changes are what I have to look forward to, the aggressive male characteristics being replaced by more patient, calm female characteristics, or at least this is what I hear. So anyways dear readers, stay tuned things are about to change and it could be quickly. I will keep you up to date as our medical transition continues and the Crose house becomes rather estrogen filled between my pregnancy and HRT…poor Quinny (wink, wink).